if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
