I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You can't motorboat a personality
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
