And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
