I puked a lego.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
