I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
