What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
