my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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