Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
