i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
