I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
