I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
