So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
