Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
