What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
