Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
