My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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