What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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