Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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