just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
