billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
