I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
