If i come over, it means nothing
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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