Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
