Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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