just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
