i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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