is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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