I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
