I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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