I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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