Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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