I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
