Have you finally orgasmed yet?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize