Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
