There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
