I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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