Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
