Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
