So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
