My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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