you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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