So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
