I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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