so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
