I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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