my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
