Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
