When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
