no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
