All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
