Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
