The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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