So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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