Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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