Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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