i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize