This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
