he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
