girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
