I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dignity is for republicans.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
