Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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